Where there's an airhorn, there's a way!
by Alfred's Elevator
Summary: The UN meeting has fallen once again into disarray, and Germany is about to have kittens because if it! Who could save the meeting? Uhhh... Well I forgot his name, you'll just have to read it I find out! T for swearing.


Author's note: I hope you enjoy, this was fun to write!

The meeting turned to chaos far swifter than normal that day, though no one knew exactly where all the energy and bad vibes that had started the day originated. America had been the initial problem. He had brought an airhorn and blew it continuously every time the first presenter, Russia, tried to speak. After a small scuffle between him and England, the horn was successfully confiscated by Denmark, who was sitting next to the two and was not happy being elbowed by America in the hero's fight to keep the loud object. Denmark was also tired Of the horn being blown so close to him, as the device had been used as an assault against England's ears by America in an attempt to ward the blonde off.

The next major problem encountered was that the second speaker had gone missing and nobody could quite remember who it was supposed to be.

"I think he, like, had a pet dog or something..." Was the closest they got to remembering his/her identity, the statement coming from Poland.

After that, a few pointed negative remarks from Turkey, mainly against members of the European Union and Greece, fueled a fair amount of outrage and raised tensions. High enough that Hungary knocked Romano out just for swearing at her, something she normally would ignore. Frying pans were almost unanimously voted banned from meetings after the Southern half of Italy sustained actual damage after waking up from his cookware-enduced siesta.

Finally, 12:30 rolled around and, after all the disorganization of the first half of the meeting, lunch break was welcomed with open arms. The nations dispersed and relaxed, returning in a significantly better mood(except for the ones that were always happy or Irritable, they came back feeling the same). Unfortunately, even the better atmosphere was soured after the nations learned that Switzerland threatened a human with an actual gun for looking at Lichtenstein in a café. The meeting was delayed for awhile until Switzerland, with the help of his boss and Germany, could clear that he worked for the Swiss government and was trustworthy with guns. Or, at least knew better than to shoot random humans who weren't on his lawn. Meanwhile, America had taken the extra time to go stock up on more hamburgers for round two of the day's meet. None of the countries dared ask how one thousand three-hundred and forty-two burgers could be transported from the McDonald's to the UN building ten blocks away in one trip by foot. Except Spain, who, when he asked, received an obviously made up story about Johnny Depp using the force to defeat attacking children with gas masks fused to their faces and getting them to carry the burgers through a wormhole in a phone booth to the building. England cursed himself for ever sharing his popular shows with America(A/n: if you get the pieces of a reference there then you deserve a high-five). For the next half hour while they waited, Spain tried to figure out if the story was possible and Romano woozily mocked him until his headache resurfaced through the hazy overdose of Tylenol he has taken.

When things finally got going again, Germany was relieved. He was ready to buy them all ice cream for behaving so well until the middle of the sixth speaker, when Italy started giggling uncontrollably. When The Netherlands asked what was so funny about Sweden's report Italy happily replied that he had thought about Sweden going to a beach and how he might meet a Germany mermaid with "long fluffy hair and a seashell bra." This comment earned a good amount of laughter and many glances at Germany, who was trying to keep the blush off his face.

"Would it be a girl?" France had asked when he realized something about the Italian's word choice.

"No, why would you think that, silly France?"

The Frenchman laughed and Austria had to answer from across the table with an amused smile. "You said 'mermaid', not merman." Germany blushed even deeper in embarrassment when more countries laughed, and placed his head in his hands.

Three more speakers went and many of the countries were very sick of sitting at the table while the speakers were constantly interrupted and the meeting made little progress.

"Can we move on? You are giving me headache!" China urged when a debate about the gender of Nutella was brought up. (A/N: Thanks to . )

Japan shifted slightly. "I agree that we are not making progress now. But if the majority prefers then we could wait to continue..."

"God dammit, Japan! Why would you encourage this? Do you support it!?" England demanded of the Asian.

Japan shook his head. "I-I was not encouraging it, I just wanted everyone to have a say!"

Switzerland pounded his fist on he table. "What do /you/ say, for fuck's sake!?"

"I say-"

"Dudes, this is boss, are you kidding me!?" America shouted.

Japan bowed his head sheepishly "I agree with America."

"Oh my fucking god, get your shit together and BE YOUR OWN FUCKING PERSON!" Romano screamed, then clutched his head in pain.

"I like it when everyone agrees with me because then I am never defied by little bugs that need to be squashed." Russia piped in cheerfully.

"Who're you calling a bug, commie!?" America demanded.

Russia grinned sadisticly. "Would you like to be proving that you are not being small bug?"

"Hell yeah, I'm the hero!" America knocked over his chair standing up and pushed off the toppled furniture, springing onto the table. Russia was seated across the table with the Asian countries so the hero had to cross the whole length of the wood surface. When he arrived, America lunged off the table and tried to tackle Russia with a cry of "take this!" The taller man barely dodged and America had to roll off his shoulder to regain his feet with his spring momentum. He whipped around and the two started wrestling full-out, causing many Asian countries to clear the area or risk getting decked.

Meanwhile, Austria had started yelling at France for touching his butt while the blond offender claimed it was accidental. Hungary quickly joined the argument on Austria's side, hand curled into a fist. Romano watched for a moment before he started to rant about sexual predictors and how Spain was a pedophile and got Veneziano freaked out.

"Well, the bastard is a fucking pedo!" He yelled when his brother told him to 'stop! Per favore! Just stop!' "Welcome to the shitty fucking world, Fratello! Can't fucking deal with it? Why don't you curl up next to that fucking potato-bastard boyfriend of yours and fucking cuddle and whatever fucking shit you do with him that makes you so fucking... Fuck! You aren't fucking him!?"

Veneziano looked unhappy. "Romano, why would I!?Germany's not like that!" the younger Italy gasped. But Romano was to busy trying to obliterate all thoughts of his brother and Germany having... "Shiiiiit!" He hissed as the thoughts returned, unbidden.

Denmark had decided to put his feet up on the table and was drinking a large glass of beer.

Norway sighed "what are you doing?" Denmark shrugged. "Well, get your feet off the table. And don't drink at meetings."

Feeling daring, Denmark grinned and said no, then sipped his beer mockingly. This started a small dispute between the two. Sweden started to talk in his own language and confused the other Nordics except for Finland, who realized Sweden was trying to get him to practice speaking Swedish. He was saying... He disliked the meeting. Finland said it was nice to see everyone and he wished they would stop fighting.

The noise and chaotic atmosphere was enough to drive Germany into yelling for peace at the top of his lungs, which actually had no effect on the fighting, yelling, swearing, threatening, and babbling in fear(Veneziano was being verbally assaulted by Romano and has started his begging for his life) mess of countries that worked for the United Nations. The United Nations, professional government representatives that were supposed to be solving the world's problems. There was movement in all corners of the room from countries fighting or fleeing for their life, various noises all around, a polar bear running around, footprints on he table, knocked over cha- A POLAR BEAR!? Germany stopped yelling for a second as he watched the mammal crawl under the table. "SOMEONE CATCH THAT BEAR!" He yelled, jumping backward as he did so as to avoid being run into by Veneziano, who had obviously just offended the Netherlands. The man with gravity defying hair was chasing Veneziano, but Germany grabbed the Italian by the collar and glared Netherlands away. "Italy, there is a bear under the table! Go get it!"

"But Ger-"

"Now!" Veneziano complied with the forceful demand and crawled under the table, trembling. Germany felt bad for a second, but he had to bring order to this... This brouhaha? No... This disaster, at very least it was a disaster. He strained his brain to think of something to do and was quickly approaching the point where he would knock himself out on the table just to escape the madness. Yelling didn't work, and slamming everyone's head into something would certainly be frowned upon. Offer treats? Why would he have treats on him? "Dummkopfs!" He cursed.

Suddenly, a loud noise filled the whole room, causing many to jump. The fighting died out slowly during the 15 consecutive seconds of the airhorn, and everyone looked around for the person sounding it. Both of Denmark's hands were free, And his beer was spilled on the table, America was frozen with his and Rissia's arms locked in a paused struggle, the Nordics were all occupied. Scanning the now silent room, Germany couldn't see any signs of anyone holding the toy. He was slightly curious of who had brought the chaos to a halt, but he quickly reminded himself that if he didn't take control now then it would get bad again fast.

"Now, I want all of you back in your seats!" He commanded, leaving no room for argument. Everyone who has gotten up, i.e. most of the room, trouped back to their seats, America climbing over he table because "That's what heroes do!"

"Germany sighed deeply. "Now, whoever blew the horn, danke. We /will/ continue this meeting und we will /not/ start fighting again!" Germany yelled loud enough to hold everyone's attention. "Sweden, you will finish your report," Germany nodded to the other blond, "and then I will give a short presentation of developments in sustainable energy, opening a question and answer session afterwards. To finish off, America will present a solution to the, ah, lack of defense we have against a possible alien invasion..." Many people groaned at the last announcement, some even started chatting with heir neighbor about the stupid topic. "Sorry you dudes have ta wait so long for my thing, only the last spot was open and Save the best for last and junk!" America yelled over the chatter. few of the countries let our out indignant noises and a few started talking angrily all at once.

"You are acting like children!" Germany silenced the room again with a yell and his glare. "Throwing a tantrum will not change our schedule, so you might as well just bite your lip and get through it."

"Screw you!"

Germany sighed and fixed the shouter with a glare. "Thank you, Romano." He growled. The Italian, as much as he hated the potato-bastard, realized that more insults would just make others irritated and mad at him and fell silent.

Germany took his seat and the gathering continued without a hitch. They actually got through the meeting with a civil debate about America's plans and only one actual verbal fight about constructing an actual Death Star. Germany, with England's aid, ended the meeting with a quick recap of the issues that were actually discussed, with focus on discussed solutions and a word of thanks for the relatively successful meeting.

When they were dismissed, the countries stood up, some making plans together or talking, others hauling butt out of there before bullies started messing with them.

No one noticed the quiet boy in front of the room with the airhorn still in his hand.

"No one noticed me again!" He sighed sadly. The polar bear from before slowly walked over and was picked up by the blonde.

"Who are you?" It asked innocently, squirming minimally.

The quiet nation sighed again. "I'm Canada..."


End file.
